Human Lanterns (1982)

Hey man, I know that guy! He’s a skin-peeling nihilist.



It’s like Yojimbo for the artisan sect with a little Buffalo Bill thrown in for fun! Erhmmm...could I get a great big fat chick lantern? Patience Precious, I’m asking. A thrillingly entertaining morality tale which never overplays or overpowers with its balance of the usual high-flying, gravity ain’t shit Shaw Bro kung fu and its macabre horror elements. A simmering rivalry between two contentious and overprivileged lords is pushed to a boiling point via vengeful third party and it couldn’t be more devious or delicious. The female characters could be stronger and the plot a little tighter, but this is a dazzling and bloody lantern festival to get deliriously lost in.

This is one of those rare cases where it’s a joy to be ahead of the onscreen characters. Too often, plot turns and character beats are predictable to the point of boredom, but since Human Lanterns places all of its cards on the table early, we get to sit back and watch as Tony Liu and Chen Kuan-Ti twist in the wind and try to figure out what the actual fuck is going on. As a pompous trust fund baby prick, Tony Liu is especially fun and preens and pivots about with a snide remark and a contemptuous laugh. It’s up to Lo Lieh’s disgraced, hermetic lantern maker to give his ex-rival a little taste of misery he’s had to endure for seven years. The scorn Lieh harbors toward Liu is palpable and it’s tremendously affecting to see how the comeuppance of one man can spread to everyone around him. Nobody else deserves the cruel and torturous end they receive at the hands Lieh’s sadistic flesh sack craftsman with an ax to grind, but that’s just how the skin-deep peels roll out.

Ballet is a glorious art and I’m not about to agree with Chalamet on his ill-considered statements, but MAYBE it would pirouette more butts in seats if they had more swords and blood spitting. A kimono probably works just as well as a tutu. These lords beat the everloving fuck out of one another and at one point, do the equivalent of a Bruce Wayne by buying out an entire restaurant just to have a little spat. I love how the patrons get jazzed about free food and wine. Dearest! This is just like Medieval Times! The battles slay and we even get a little fan blade action. Those rainbow ones ain’t so welcoming after all. I’m not well-versed in shame-based scars (i.e. Lieh being unable to “look up”), but there’s enough backstory to latch onto and see where the conflict arose. The ending is surprisingly contemplative and somber in just the right self-reflective ways.

Human Lanterns kicks all kinds of ass and refuses to be “civil” all while inserting a sly fable about grudges, rivals, and the emptiness of wealth.